Saturday, February 27, 2010

A week of up, down, and sideways...

I think when people talk about a week being a roller coaster, they always remember the ups and the downs, but that is never all there is. There are things that happen that knock you sideways and make you remember who is in control of the universe, and NEWS FLASH, it's not you!

This week started out with downward motion. I got a call from a nanny agency that I had applied to work for, and was really optimistic about, and they told me that one of my references rated me as below average on some things, so they could not hire me. This was a double blow; in addition to not getting the job, my professional work ethic had been insulted. I have always taken pride in my work, been punctual, and got the job done, no matter how difficult the circumstances were. It was a knife to the gut to hear that someone was unhappy with the job I had done, despite the fact that I was very unhappy with a previous job I had (and I am fairly certain this same job is the one that gave me the negative feedback).

This week also started out with Hunter being abnormally fussy because I ate something that upset his tummy (after it had upset mine too). Along with being abnormally fussy, he was refusing the potty, and I was changing 4-5 dirty diapers a day, way more than normal. Having a sick baby is truly a daily walk in humility. 

I struggled so much with control this week. Wanting to control the situations in my life. Lacking self control in some areas. Not keeping my emotions in check the way I should.

Then God decided to show me just how much I am not in control, and that He has a plan that is much bigger than I understand.

Two days after I get the call about not getting that job, a friend posts on facebook that she needs a nanny for her 12 month old twins, as she is not happy about the daycare they are in. I post a reply, and within a few hours I have a job! Not only is this job closer to my home, it is with kids I already know, and the hours work perfectly with my other one day a week job.

Then, to top off the good things in the week, Hunter learned 2 different ASL signs! The first was one I had taught him, "milk", which apparently not only means milk, but also naptime. The second he made up/figured out on his own, but it is actually the ASL sign for "diaper". For him, it meant "I need to poop" and "I want to play with your cell phone" at different times. It was very exciting to see him starting to communicate in more obvious ways!

At the end of the week, I am so thankful that God gave me the opportunity to grow through all of these situations, and I understand that the whole week was a test in how much I am willing to trust fully in Him. A test I failed miserably, by the way. I did not want to trust that things would work out in His timing and His perfect way, I wanted it all done on my terms. Thankfully, that did not happen, as God's way was, and always will be, far better than anything I could have come up with.

This week, I will go back to being just a created being trying to live my life for His glory instead of my own, instead of trying to put myself in control.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts."Isa 55:8-9

Sunday, February 7, 2010


The last few weeks have really had me pondering the concept of patience. I once thought myself to be a fairly patient individual, but I am realizing quickly that parenthood changes the entire meaning of that word. For example, my normally sweet tempered, smiley, happy-go-lucky baby has been teething, and with that comes a lot of grief and weird schedules. He has had days that just make me want to hand him off to someone else and forget about it for a day.

Then I remember God.

He is not just patient with us when it is easy. I know that I personally have had some days that He was righteously angry with me for my behavior, but through it all there was absolutely no chance that He would give up on me. His love could never be conditional, I have been saved by His grace, through faith, not of myself, it is a gift from God. Even in my darkest days (and He knows there have been some VERY dark days), He never stopped being patient while slowly bringing me back to Himself.

Today has been a hard day, between the massive cleanup this morning after a post-bath pre-diaper disaster in the bouncer, the fussiness while getting ready for church, and not having any clean clothes because I didn't get around to laundry recently (nor did I have any clothes that fit properly for that matter). But no matter how much I want everything to go perfectly, I know that it won't, I can't expect it to, and God wants me to be patient no matter what struggles I face.

So Lord, thank you for giving me the opportunity to learn to be patient, even if it means testing it many, many times along the way!